You Don't Have to Diagnose the Overwhelm Before You Act
Some weeks overwhelm is just a big muddy mix — you can't cleanly say 20% of it is this and 30% is that. Here's why trying to diagnose it precisely can become its own form of avoidance, and what actually helps instead: acknowledge it, then take one small action, like a 15-minute walk.
Full Transcript
Hi, I'm Dan with Actions Matter.
I wanted to share a thought here that came up tonight in our community, the Monday Night group that we have here at Actions Matter. I wanted to talk about this idea.
One of the guys was struggling with a lot of overwhelm and a lot of different things going on over the next week. One of the questions we ask each guy at the group during his check-in is, what do you have going on over the next week? There are other questions too, but it helps each of us think about what might affect us over the next week and how we will respond to that — what actions we will take based on the patterns we've seen in our lives, with our addiction and with how our emotional regulation needs happen in different situations.
So anyway, one of the guys said he's kind of overwhelmed, he's got a lot going on, and I personally have been experiencing that as well. It's something that can stack up over days — day over day, week over week. And it's important, I found, as I was sharing tonight and giving him some feedback — oftentimes as a leader in a group, it's very common to have the words coming out of my own mouth essentially convict me, or hold me accountable, to actually ask myself: am I even doing what I'm telling other people to do? I knew that was going to be the case before I even spoke, so I prefaced with that. But in my own life, I have experienced a lot of overwhelm lately.
I found myself telling him tonight that while it's good and important to identify emotions on a daily basis, and even get precise about which situations or activities during the day triggered which emotions — that's always nice to identify, to get precise with it, so we can parse between what we're feeling inside of us and what impact it's having on us and what we can do about it — sometimes when we're overwhelmed, like I've been, and like one of the members was, it's a big muddy mix and there are multiple things going on. Usually that can be identified, but there's no easy way to parse between, okay, 20% of it was from this, 30% of it was from that, and the other 50% was this big thing. It just doesn't work that easily.
And sometimes the need to engineer it and make it that precise can be a distraction, and can make it even hard to want to have emotional awareness and do the practices we do for emotional awareness, because it's overwhelming to have to face all of that all the time.
Instead, what I wound up saying is: when it's just a big overwhelming mix and we don't necessarily have the ability to understand exactly what is what, it can be most important for step one to just acknowledge to ourselves — hey, I'm overwhelmed, I'm having a lot of emotions. It feels difficult, painful, I want to climb out of my skin, I want to climb the walls, whatever the case may be. And we can identify that this has been or will lead us to want to distract, escape, medicate in some kind of way — whether it's crossing a bottom line of sexual fantasy or not — and it's not helpful, and it winds up wasting a lot of time, and at the end we come back right to where we started, which is still having all these feelings.
So what I suggested is: when we identify that, we can take immediate action, instead of expecting ourselves to be a robot and just push through and grind it out — essentially white-knuckling it as though we don't need to do anything. We can instead say, hey, I am struggling right now, or I'm just overwhelmed, I've got a lot of emotions sitting in here, I need a little bit of an outlet, I need to help myself somehow. And we can just step out of the situation. A lot of times I suggest taking a walk, and that's what I suggested tonight. You have the choice — he and I have both been in this situation before, where in hindsight, after wasting three hours when we're supposed to be working or doing something else that's higher priority and actually valuable, we wound up wasting it because we were distracting, procrastinating, trying to escape, or avoiding discomfort, because there's so much constant discomfort under the surface and we're running from it.
Instead, we can make the choice to just go for a walk for say fifteen minutes, and that can be the difference between getting the next three hours back instead of wasting them. So we spend fifteen to get back two hours and forty-five minutes, and that's a win.
One of the other things we commonly focus on is creating structure for ourselves — guardrails for the week — to avoid pitfalls, to avoid things that might wind up being a problem for us because the week is just harder than normal and we're sensitive. So if we're having a really hard week, and entertainment is something we'd normally allow ourselves but could be a larger trigger this week, and we're going to be more likely to binge on it, we could just say, hey, I'm going to take a step back from that. That's one way structure looks — it's called access control. But structure can also just be going out and taking a walk. It can be that simple.
And it's actually not a waste of time, because when we're busy — especially at the workplace, when it's a really busy week, we've got a deliverable, we feel pressured — taking a break can be the last thing we want to do. But it's also the most important thing we need to do, because we are emotionally dysregulated, and from experience, we will not be able to sustain robotic levels of work without running off the rails somehow, going down a path that sets us up for future failure, or gets us one step closer to it.
So having little things like walks, or some other break we'd genuinely enjoy, find rest from, and get some kind of joy out of — even a nap if it's possible, or being social, or something else — can be really helpful. We highly suggested that tonight, and I thought it was an important thing for me to remember and take my own advice, because today I didn't do that. I wound up wasting some time myself, because I was running from emotions and needed to — and I knew I needed to — and I just didn't do it. I was like, I should go for a walk, and I didn't do it.
So I just wanted to share that. I hope it helps. Let me know in the comments below if there's a particular healthy activity you like to do that you find helpful to reset yourself, even if it's only for five, ten, fifteen minutes during a busy day, but it nevertheless helps you recenter — and perhaps it gets you time with God, or perhaps it just gets you time with yourself, because it's very easy to not pay attention to our own needs until it's too late, and then we're snapping at somebody, or going down a slippery slope we don't need to be going down.
But I'm curious to know what helps you. Thanks.
You don't have to figure out exactly what's causing your overwhelm before you're allowed to do something about it. When it's a big muddy mix of things — which is most of the time — the move isn't to precisely diagnose it. It's to acknowledge it and take one small, immediate action, like a fifteen-minute walk.
Why Trying to Diagnose Overwhelm Precisely Can Backfire
Video: 02:42 (162s)
It's genuinely useful, on a normal day, to identify emotions and get specific about which situation or activity triggered which feeling. That kind of precision helps you separate what you're feeling from what impact it's having and what you can actually do about it.
But when you're already overwhelmed, that same instinct can work against you. Overwhelm is usually a big muddy mix — multiple things stacking on top of each other — and there's no clean way to say 20% of it came from this and 30% from that. It doesn't break down that easily. Trying to force that kind of precision when you're already flooded can turn into its own distraction, making it harder to want to engage in emotional awareness at all, because now facing your emotions feels like an overwhelming task in itself.
What Actually Helps First: Just Acknowledge It
Video: 03:35 (215s)
When you can't cleanly separate what's what, step one isn't analysis — it's acknowledgment. Something as simple as naming it to yourself: "I'm overwhelmed. I'm having a lot of emotions. This feels difficult and painful. I want to climb out of my skin." From there, you can recognize where that state tends to lead — toward distraction, escape, or medicating it in some way, whether or not that means crossing an actual bottom line. None of that resolves anything. It just wastes time and leaves you right back where you started, still holding the same feelings.
Take Immediate Action Instead of White-Knuckling It
Video: 04:31 (271s)
Once you've named what's happening, the next move is immediate action — not gritting your teeth and pushing through as if you're a robot who doesn't need anything. That white-knuckle approach treats emotional overwhelm like it's not a real input that needs a response. Instead, the move is to say out loud, even just to yourself: "I'm struggling. I'm overwhelmed. I need an outlet." Then actually give yourself one — stepping out of the situation is often enough.
Why a 15-Minute Walk Can Save You Three Hours
Video: 05:41 (341s)
A walk is a common go-to outlet, and it's worth doing the math on why. Both in leading and in his own experience, the alternative to a fifteen-minute walk isn't zero cost — it's usually three wasted hours spent distracting, procrastinating, or avoiding discomfort instead of doing whatever higher-priority work was actually in front of you. Spending fifteen minutes on a walk to get back two hours and forty-five minutes of usable time is a clear win, even though in the moment a break feels like the last thing you have time for.
Building Guardrails Before a Hard Week Hits
Video: 06:07 (367s)
Beyond in-the-moment resets, structure matters heading into a week you already know will be harder than normal. That can look like access control — deciding in advance to step back from something you'd normally allow yourself, like entertainment, because you can already tell it's going to be a bigger trigger than usual this week and you're more likely to binge on it. Structure doesn't have to be complicated. It can be as simple as planning ahead to go for a walk when things get hard, or naming a specific guardrail for a specific week rather than leaving it to willpower in the moment.
Why Taking a Break Isn't Wasting Time
Video: 07:03 (423s)
When you're busy — especially at work, with a deadline and real pressure — taking a break can feel like the last thing you should do. But it's often the most important thing you need to do, because you're emotionally dysregulated whether you acknowledge it or not. Nobody sustains robotic levels of work indefinitely without eventually running off the rails in some way that sets up a future failure, or gets you one step closer to it. A walk, a nap, a moment of being social, or anything else genuinely restful protects the work by protecting the person doing it.
Leading a Group Means Your Own Words Convict You First
Video: 01:30 (90s)
One of the ordinary side effects of leading a recovery group is that your own advice ends up landing on you before it lands on anyone else. Giving feedback to someone else struggling with overwhelm this week meant asking the same question of himself in real time: am I actually doing what I'm telling him to do? That's not a special insight reserved for leaders — it's just what happens when you say something true out loud.
The Honest Part: I Didn't Take My Own Advice Today
Video: 08:13 (493s)
The same day this conversation happened, the advice wasn't followed. There was a moment of running from emotions, knowing a walk was the right move, and not taking it — wasting time instead. That's worth naming plainly, because the point was never "get this right every time." It's that recognizing the pattern, even after missing it, is still useful. Naming it out loud — including the miss — is part of how the pattern loses some of its grip.
The Rabbit Hole
If you're looking for a place to start applying this: the next time you notice you're overwhelmed, resist the urge to fully map out where it's coming from before you act. Name it in one sentence, pick one small reset — a walk, a few minutes of quiet, stepping outside — and do that first. The diagnosis can wait. The reset usually can't.